A Dinner with Birds (WRITTEN BY CF8WRK4U)
by Shuichi Akai
Summary: Lady Crocodile was having dinner with the two Donquixote Sisters. Things could get crazy.


**A Dinner with Birds**

 **Title:** A Dinner with Birds  
 **Author:** CF8WRK4U  
 **Summary:** Lady Crocodile was having dinner with the two Donquixote Sisters. Things could get crazy.  
 **Warning(s):** Genderbent; Pre-Cora's Death

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Lady Crocodile, a member of the Seven Warlords of the Sea and the supposedly Heroine of Alabasta, couldn't help but feel satisfied with herself today. So far she had rid Alabasta of several puny pirate crews that the Grand Line yacked up onto the desert shore, gaining a good stand with the area's population of idiotic peasant. She had also caused several devastating sandstorms in the towns of Erumalu and Yuba, confident that the increase of drought would cause the Alabastan citizens to blame all their misfortunes on the royal family, especially with the Dance Powder Incident still fresh in people's minds.

With nothing less than a Civil War about to break out, the whole country would be vulnerable for the taking and her crime syndicate, Baroque Works', Operation: Utopia could be put into action. It was all thanks to the bleeding hearts of the Alabastan countrymen.

 _'Fools,'_ Crocodile thought, a cruel smile playing at her face. _'All of them,'_

So she decided to treat herself for her present and future accomplishments by going to a well recommended restaurant north of Alabasta. It was a little out of the way from the country she was planning on conquering, but Lady Crocodile deserved nothing but the finest.

Accompanying her was her partner, Mr. All-Sunday AKA Nico Robin, once known for being the most wanted man, but being partnered with Crocodile, a member of the Shichibukai, gave him protection from the authorities. Walking into the restaurant, Crocodile was immediately greeted by the restaurant's owner, who nervously led her to a reserved table. Even though she was allied with the World Government, she was still a dangerous pirate.

Sitting down, Crocodile ordered a duck confit with a glass of pinot noir. She sat there in the restaurant with Mr. All-Sunday who was sitting a little way from her and sipping a cup of tea. While waiting for her food, Crocodile lit a cigar and surveyed the restaurant, watching other patrons come and go or just enjoying their meal. Some of them glanced at her.

Crocodile scoffed and turned her gaze to the front door, noticing a new group of people walking into the restaurant. Not like she cared, but these were some of the most oddly dressed people she might have ever seen, though Miss 2 came to her mind.

There was a young man wearing a purple suit with a white tie; a woman wearing a very revealing bikini and a baby bonnet; a very obese man with orange and red hair wearing a purple polka dotted shirt; a woman wearing a long black steampunk coat with goggles; and a girl (or boy) skipping n a pair of shiny black men's dress shoes.

At the head of the party were five women. One was extremely fat, looking like a blue slug with snot coming down her face. Seeing her made Crocodile twitch in disgust. The second was tall and willowy with brown curly hair and striped tattoos down her face. Another was big and muscular, wearing a golden breast plate and helmet.

But Crocodile stopped paying attention to the other members when she caught sight of a pink feathered coat. _'No. NOOO!'_ Closing her eyes she calmed herself. "Maybe she won't notice me—"

"Croc-chan!" Sang out a voice from across the room.

Too late.

Sighing, Crocodile turned her head knowing her once peaceful dinner was not to be. "Doflaminga," Walking towards her was a very tall blond woman, wearing bright orange pants, a white biking with purple designs, pink shades, and in her signature pink feathered coat. This was Doflaminga, a pirate captain of the Donquixote Pirates and also a member of the Shichibukai.

"It's been a while, eh Crocodile?" Doflaminga said, smiling. "Fufufu, that rhymed,"

Crocodile shot her fellow Warlord an annoyed look. "I don't have time to entertain the likes of you, brat. I'm here to enjoy my dinner and I don't want that spoiled by a damn bird,"

"Well now worries," Doflamingo told him. "I don't see any birds," She eyes the older woman's curvy figure greedily from under her pink shades, from the generous chest hidden insider her orange and black shirt to her slim hips beneath those silk dress pants, all tucked into the fur coat. Doflaminga made no secret of her attraction for Lady Crocodile from the expensive gifts she pushed at the sand Logia to the suggestive comments often spoken out during their meetings with the other Warlords, much to the annoyance of them and the Navy. Doflaminga tried everything in her power to win Crocodile's affection but nothing worked yet and she was still determined.

Even the scar that traveled across her face was like a work of art against Crocodile's proud sharp features, making Doflaminga lick her lips, eyeing the pouty mouth that cradled a cigar. "It can just be me and you—"

Meanwhile, Crocodile was not liking how close the younger blond woman was getting. She brought out her gold hook and pressed the tip right about the other's heart. "Get back," She ordered. "Unless you want your heart to be at the end of this hook.

The other customers looked terrified at the sight of the two powerful women. Some even scrambled out of the restaurant, not wanting to be there in case the two decided to fight. Doflaminga's crew however cried out angrily, "Young Master!" and "Doffy!"

"You bitch!" The snail woman cried defensively. "How dare you threaten Doffy like that you—"

"Trebla!" Doflaminga snapped, silencing her subordinate. She then smiled sweetly to Crocodile. "Sorry, my family is just protective of me," She completely disregarded the hook pressing dangerously under her flesh. Still smiling, she shocked everyone by pressing the cool metal against her chest. "Oh, Croc-chan, if you had just wanted my heart I would have gladly given it to you,"

Glaring daggers at the Heavenly Demoness and gritting her teeth, she began, "Listen here—h"

"Lady Crocodile," Mr. All-Sunday interrupted.

"What?" She asked.

"I think your order is ready," He replied, motioning to a shaking waiter who was carrying a dish and a bottle of wine.

"Well," Crocodile barked, taking her hooked hand from Doflaminga. The waiter flinched but managed to serve the food before taking off to the safety of the kitchen.

A woman who was a part of Doflaminga's group walked up to her aptain and tapped her shoulder, getting Doflaminga's attention. "Yes?" Doflaminga asked and the woman made a gesture with her hand. "Oh, you're right," Crocodile eyed the woman next to Doflaminga. She was easily as tall as Doflaminga with blonde hair. She was wearing a white shirt with hearts, a maroon hoody, a black feathered coat similar to her captain's, and lipstick that made a smile across her mouth. Noticing her staring, Doflaminga explained. "This is my little sister Corazon, Croc-chan. Isn't she cute?"

"I hate clowns!" Crocodile said, commenting on the younger Donquixote's makeup.

Looking closer, Crocodile could see the similarities between the two's same height. They both had the same sharp facial features and the same shade of blonde hair, although Corazon's hair was longer and wilder than her older sister's who had hers styled short and brushed bac. Corazon's skin was paler than Doflaminga's and she also wore makeup. Crocodile was brought out of her musing when Doflaminga continued to talk.

"She was just saying that we should order already,"

Hearing this, Crocodile smirked as she cut into her duck. "Good. Take your crew and sit—"

"Sit here with you!" Doflaminga cried happily. "Why how nice of you! And you said you didn't like me!"

Biting her cigar in half, Crocodile snapped. "No not here you stupid—"

"There's not enough chairs for us," Doflaminga interrupted. "But don't worry, I can fix that," With a snap of her fingers, her crew proceeded to grab any chairs and tables nearby and lined them up with Crocodile's single table. Even if they were being used, they just tipped the current user out of their chairs, daring any of them to object. Once the furniture was set, the members of the Doflaminga Family took their places and sat down, read to order. Doflaminga took a seat next to Crocodile and Corazon found a place besides Mr. All-Sunday. "Now let's eat!"

Crocodile knew (or thought) that she could take out that pink blob and the rest of her reject family, but surprisingly thought against it. Fighting her fellow Warlord would no doubt be put on the news and could even put her in bad light with the citizens of Alabasta. After all, it would be a fight in a restaurant full of civilians, but it wasn't like she cared. But it would unnecessarily stall her plans for Operation: Utopia. Plus, Crocodile was stubborn. She had planned to have a nice dinner in a fancy restaurant and was determined to see that goal through Doflaminga or no Doflaminga. She was here first damn it! That bird was not going to driver her away from a good meal and wine.

So Crocodile endured it. She endured the constant chatter of Doflaminga and her family all throughout the course of the meal. Crocodile imagined the duck she was eating was actually Doflaminga, plucked, stuffed, and roasted. _'Yes,'_ Crocodile thought. _'Flamingo is what I can have for dinner tomorrow,'_

"So yeah, it was so hard to find clothes for Corazon here," Doflaminga rambled. "Not one store sold any fireproof fabric! Can you believe that!?" Doflaminga was yammering about her day which had been spent shopping in the city and had brought up the topic of her sister's clumsiness. She told him about her habit of setting herself on fire or tripping over nothing. "But we'll keep looking," She reached over to pet her sister's hair. "Anything to keep my cute little sister safe,"

Only Crocodile seemed to notice the way Corazon glared heatedly at her older sister from underneath the bangs. Through the rest of dinner, Crocodile took notice of another quality that the Donquixote Sisters didn't share. While Doflaminga was like a constant clucking pink chicken, Corazon was as quiet as an owl, a trait in the Donquixote Family she considered a blessing.

"Could I be excused?" Corazon spoke for the first time all night, her voice was deep and soft. She only took five steps before tripping over nothing and falling onto her butt. No one paid her any mind except the boy in the purple tuxedo and the large woman in an orange jacket. Even Mr. All-Sunday was hiding a smile behind his hand.

"Ha! Ha! Cora-san fell again!"

"Yeah-dasuyan!"

"Poor baby sister," Doflaminga kidded. "Can't even stand on your own two feet," Corazon's hands clenched as she marched towards the bathroom. "But don't worry, you still have me to protect you," She then turned back to Crocodile. "She's always been like that, so clumsy,"

Corazon's face blushed red but she continued on without tripping. Crocodile noticed this and wondered if this was a natural scene between the two sisters. Maybe Doflaminga was playing the older sister card in hopes that Crocodile would actually like her more? That would never work in a million years considering how much Crocodile despised emotional attachments of any kind, believing people with things like friends and family were weak, foolish trash.

In the bathroom, Corazon lit a cigarette in front of the mirror and her coat caught fire, but she managed to put it out using the sink. She frowned, looking at her reflection. _'Why? Why did Doffy have to talk to me like that?'_ SO what if she was balanced challenged? It wasn't her fault! To make matters worse, it was in front of another Shichibukai! Was Doflaminga acting this way because of Lady Crocodile? Sure, she'd throw a comment about her clumsiness but not in any way to embarrass her or to make her feel like a child. Corazon wondered if the reason her sister was making fun of her so much was to maybe raise her standing with Lady Crocodile by putting her down and acting the part of the wonderful, generous sister who cares about her clumsy little sister.

AWW!

BULL SHIT!

Corazon blew a cloud of smoke out angrily. _'I just wanted to have a nice dinner tonight,'_ She thought bitterly. _'But no! I have to be the butt of Doflaminga's jokes while she's trying to get inside Crocodile's—'_ Corazon's eyes widened suddenly. "Wait a minute!"

Corazon's mind began to stir, forming a plan to get back at her jerky captain/older sister. This plan wouldn't be easy and it involved the cooperation of a certain proud Shichibukai. Taking out a piece of her pocket, Corazon wrote down a message. She finally finished it and stared at the mirror, coming in terms about what she was going to do. "Am I really going to do this?" Her part was easy, especially since Crocodile was already and attractive woman. Corazon blushed red, not that she was into that stuff! She immediately filled her mind with images of a certain hot-ass red head Marine with a half-shaved Mohawk. _'Benn-mere,'_ She thought blissfully as she walked back to her seat, the party already eating.

Doflaminga was trying to get Crocodile to eat from her fork that had marbled steak at the end. "Come on!" Doflaminga whined. "It's not poisoned, I promise!"

Crocodile gave the blonde Shichibukai an annoyed frown. "Take that chunk of crap out of my face, brat!" She growled, taking a sip of wine to chill her killing intent. As coolly as she could, Corazon passed the note she had written earlier across to Lady Crocodile, stopping both Warlords' actions. Not lifting her head to look at the sender, Crocodile gazed the note with a scrunched ujp face. "Mr. Alle-Sunday, what is this?"

"A note, Lady Crocodile,"

Crocodile then lifted her head to stare at the other blonde across from her. "Read it to me," She demanded, taking the note and handing it to Mr. All-Sunday. He scanned the note and his smile dropped while her eyes widened. "Well?"

 _What does a girl got to do to get on your lap? ; )_

All conversations stopped immediately and silence fell over the table. Crocodile scowled at the woman named Corazon who was trying in vain to hide under a mask of confidence. _'So,_ ' Crocodile thought. _'Doflaminga's little sister thinks she has a better chance. Really?'_

Seeing that her mission was on the rocks, Corazon gently motioned her head to her now silent older sister. Following her gaze, Crocodile noticed a change in the blond woman who was still smiling, but not as wide as before. Was that a flash of concern on her face?

Click.

Crocodile's eyes widened a fraction, understanding what the younger Donquixote was trying to do. _'Oh,'_ Crocodile thought, her face widening in a smirk. _'Okay, I'll play,'_

Looking at Corazon, she said, "I hate clowns but—" She pulled the blonde klutz out of her seat and onto her lap. "You're a pretty thing, aren't you?" She finished petting Corazon's hair.

Noticing the smile vanishing on her sister's face, Corazon snuggled closer to Crocodile. "My eyes," She whispered. "Talk about my eyes. She's always been worried about her eyes,"

Smiling, Crocodile continued. "Mr. All-Sunday, get Corazon another glass of Pinot Noir,"

"Yes Madam," Her subordinate hurried to the kitchen.

Cupping Corazon's face, Crocodile leaned close to hers. "Your eyes, Corazon. They're very nice you know. A lovely shade of brown,"

From the corner of her eye, Corazon could see Doflaminga unconsciously touch her glasses. Okay, so maybe using Doflaminga's childhood scar to get back at her was a bit cruel, but Doflaminga had down much crueler things than this, such as killing their father. It was no doubt that when they got back to the ship, the big sister was going to give her a hard time. But for now, Corazon will savor this moment as the night she had seemingly out staged her sister and captain.

Crocodile smirked at the jealous look that Doflaminga threw at her sister. She was definitely happy at the way this evening had turned out now. _'Well maybe the Donquixote Sisters aren't too different after all,'_ She looked at the dark smile on Corazon's face as she made Doflaminga's jealous scowl deepen. _'They're both wicked birds aren't they? Ones I had the luck to dine with tonight,'_

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 **THIS WAS WRITTEN BY CF8WRK4U! I ONLY POSTED THIS ON FANFICTION DOT NET WITH PERMISSION!**


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